Soaps preview: 26 - 30 March


Coronation Street
Scissors at dawn. The unlikely setting for a civil war between the Platts is Audrey's salon. She attempts to wrest control of the snip shop back after signing it over to David last year (Who didn't say at the time that it was a stupid decision? No one, that's who).

The real problem in the family though is Audrey's rekindled relationship with Lewis. When their secret comes out, Gail hits the roof. She confronts them in the Rovers telling her mum that she's going to have her heart broken again. Lewis lays it on thick with an impassioned speech about how much he loves her (credit to Nigel Havers, this is good, knockabout stuff).


Of course this doesn't wash with Gail, but Audrey stands firm. And there's worse for Gail to swallow. Audrey decides she needs a break and plans a round the world cruise with Lewis. But obviously she needs funds and they're all tied up in the salon. So she decides to sell it off – the one problem being that she signed it over to David last year.

Backed up by a furious Gail, David is convinced that Lewis is behind the holiday scheme. He reckons Lewis wants to take Audrey for a ride – but not on board a cruise liner. So he refuses to hand over the salon. In fact, egged on by Kylie, he consults a lawyer and has him write a letter telling Audrey he will sue her.

Now, we've been waiting for David's dark side to show its ugly head again. We've missed psychopathic David and been waiting for his marriage to Kylie to really bear fruit – could this be the moment? Let's hope so.

Audrey declares war by ripping up the former papers and the battle for the salon is ready to begin. Who is your money on?

Also this week
: An ace ‘Odd Couple’ comedy plotline sees Ken Barlow move in with Steve. And things come to a head between Paul, Eileen and Lesley when Lesley accidentally snatches Amy.


EastEnders
Not satisfied with murder, Troubled Teen Ben carries on causing chaos in Walford by framing Jay for the crime. And as with a lot of crime nowadays, it's all down to a hoody. Troubled Teen Ben is paranoid about Jay grassing on him, so when Phil told them to dispose of the clothes the pair were wearing when he killed Heather, Troubled Teen Ben stole Jay's blood covered hoody as insurance and hid it in The Arches.

Troubled Teen Ben tells Jay that he has the garment with such glee that the pair end up fighting in The Arches. When Phil enters and splits them up, he's disgusted at what his offspring has been up to.

He burns the blood soaked top himself, but doesn't do a good job as Patrick stumbles across the remains and gives it to the police, led by DS Crisp (Note how we've resisted cheap gags about ready assaulted, kettling etc) discover the top which makes Phil quaver and want to walker way (Okay, we failed. Sorry, we'll packet in now).

Though Andrew is their chief suspect, the discovery of the hoody leads the police to suspect anyone who had one of the specially made items for Andrew's stag do, so they tour The Square asking to see everyone's top. Phil covers for Troubled Teen Ben by stealing Billy's which of course puts Billy in the firing line.

Complicated. But with Jay and Troubled Teen Ben both looking close to cracking, surely it can't be long before the truth comes out?

Also this week: Mandy leaves Ian after he fails to stick up for her at a party to celebrate Heather's life.


Emmerdale

For a vicar Ashley is becoming awfully like a cheap gangster in his effort to get his dad to move out to a care home. You half expect him to say: “Is this your room, Sandy? Lovely in here. Be a shame if something were to happen to it…” while cutting his slippers up with a knife. 

Anyway, this week, the row finally erupts in violence after Ashley goes to visit a parishioner and leaves Sandy entertaining Gabby. It’s all going well, but unfortunately Sandy leaves a tap running and the kitchen is flooded. Laurel returns but heads out to get proper supplies. While she’s out Ashley comes back and is instantly furious. He wrestles Sandy for his broom and pushes him to the floor where the old boy hurts his wrist.

Ashley is gutted – but only because Gabby has seen the whole fracas.  He persuades her it was an accident. And then uses it against Sandy. The vicar coldly tells his dad that Gabby will back him up if anyone asks.

The next day Ashley accompanies Sandy to hospital to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid, like grass him up. Nonetheless, Social Services are called. Will Ashley have to face up to what he’s become?

Also this week: Nicola’s efforts to make Jimmy jealous backfire when he dumps her – as a joke.