How to get on daytime TV

It's easier to become a star of daytime TV than you might think. With just a few application forms filled out, you could find yourself shaking David 'The Duke' Dickinson firmly by the hand or shouting abuse at your noisy neighbours on national television. Read on to discover how to set your daytime TV career off on the right foot.

The Jeremy Kyle Show
Now, getting on Jeremy Kyle, as we all know, will need some rather specific requirements, as well as a complete abandonment of your privacy. So, if you're prepared to bare every shred of your dirty laundry on television, you could be due far more than your allotted 15 minutes of fame in the dubious company of the UK's most belligerent and judgemental TV host. Recently described as a 'bear pit', there are even specific researchers on the show for specific grievances. Whether it's break-ups, relationships, lie detectors, DNA tracing, feuding families or addictions, Kyle has staff waiting for you to get in touch. You can't deny it's a slick operation.
http://www.itv.com/lifestyle/jeremykyle/beaguest/

[See also: The most shocking scandals in children's TV history]

David Dickinson's Real Deal
Of course you'll need a secret stash of bobby dazzlers in the loft, but once you've got that sorted, get yourself a spray tan and head down to one of the forthcoming dates to meet the mahogany legend. There are Real Deal days going on in Leamington Spa and Wootton Bassett this month. Drop the production people an email (details to follow) and you could find yourself face to face with The Duke or skinning a dealer out of a few quid. You can also follow Real Deal on Twitter, at @ITVRealDeal, to get the latest updates on where the next Real Deal days are happening.
http://www.itv.com/lifestyle/realdeal/

Deal Or No Deal
You might require a mystical system combining runes, tarot cards and numerology to scoop the jackpot on Noel Edmonds' peculiar gameshow, but in order to get on it, you have to pass through a process which is distinctly Wonka-esque. A successful application form is followed by an audition. Successful auditions win you a bronze ticket, and then it's on to stage two where the second round of successful auditions, on camera this time, will get you a silver ticket. Producers then view the  auditions on tape and successful applicants get the coveted golden ticket and the opportunity to go to Willie's chocolate factory. Sorry, the 'Deal Or No Deal' studios in Bristol. Details can be found on the website below, so keep checking to see when they're accepting new applications.
http://www.dealornodeal.co.uk/backstage/contestantinfo

Flog It!
Who needs those family heirlooms cluttering up the house anyway? They might be priceless links to the past, but what's the harm in putting a price on them? Just so you know, of course. The ‘Flog It!’ team are hosting a series of valuation days in the next few weeks, so whether it's an old jug you found in a charity shop or a mysterious painting discovered in the attic, they'll give you an idea what it might be worth. Who knows, it might just be worth the trip.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/showsandtours/shows/beonashow/flogit12

[See also: Life after soaps - Interview with former EastEnder Craig Fairbrass]

Loose Women
While some might wish to keep them at arm's length, others might prefer to get up close and personal with the cackling ladies of ‘Loose Women’. Should you count yourself among the latter group, then there are simple ways and means of doing so. Standing Room Only audiences not only supply daytime audiences for ‘Loose Women’, but also ‘The Alan Titchmarsh Show’, ‘Pointless’ and ‘Countdown’, along with a host of evening shows, including ‘That Sunday Night Show With Adrian Chiles’, ‘Dancing On Ice’ and ‘The Graham Norton Show’. Go nuts.
http://www.sroaudiences.com/

The Wright Stuff
More interactive than your average current affairs panel show, you might even get handed the microphone on 'The Wright Stuff' in order to give your own two cents on the day's news. Just try and keep the controversy to a minimum – Mr Wright is there to put his foot in it on your behalf. School and community groups are most welcome too, seemingly. Though not accepting applications right now, keep checking back to make sure you don't miss out.
http://www.beonscreen.com/uk/tv-shows/audience-entertainment/the-wright-stuff---audience-780.asp

Bargain Hunt

It's easy to sit there shouting at the screen, telling people how they should and shouldn't be spending their £300 stake in ‘Bargain Hunt’, but maybe it's time to put your money where your mouth is. If you're over 18 (there is, tellingly, no upper age limit), you can apply to be on the show alongside television's most bristling moustache, worn with panache by auctioneer Tim Wonnacott.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/showsandtours/shows/beonashow/bargain_hunt

Pointless
The other way to appear on daytime TV is to dazzle the public with your lightening fast recall, snappy line in amusing anecdotes and dazzlingly witty repartee. Alexander Armstrong's quiz show ‘Pointless’ could be just the place to show off these attributes, as well as your knowledge of obscure trivia. What's the worst that could happen? Other than getting no points, obviously.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/showsandtours/shows/beonashow/pointless_seven

Perhaps you’ve already had a starring role on one of these daytime TV shows. Tell us about your experiences…